In part one of “Bullying in Schools” we spoke mainly about the victims of bullies and how to deal with their situation. However, there are many parents out there who suspect that their child might actually be the bully. These parents may feel embarrassed and disheartened, but there are ways to help your child to make wise decisions in their interactions with others.
What if my child is the bully?
If you have just realised that your child is a bully, this is not the time to curl up into a ball and blame yourself and your parenting skills. This is the time for action – there is no time to waste, your child needs your guidance.
Firstly, never try to ignore the fact that your child is a bully; this will only make the situation escalate. Children who turn to bullying in schools often have problems of their own and are acting out in a way which relieves their own torment. Think about what’s going on at home; is there a difficult situation affecting your child? Is there the possibility that your child feels overlooked or overshadowed, perhaps by a new baby or other family member? In the case of bullying in schools, it is also common to find that children mimic the behaviour of an older sibling or another family member. Ask yourself if someone else in your family uses aggression or force to get what they want. And watch your own behaviour; do you allow your child to use aggression or force to get what they want?
In any bullying situation, it is imperative for the bully to be told that bullying is not acceptable behaviour and it is not effective in attaining everything you want. As a parent it would be wise to take time to talk to your child about their behaviour and why they think that it is acceptable. Deal with any emotional problems which might be the reason for their bullying as a form of empowerment. Encourage good personality traits by ‘catching them in the act’. When you see your child behaving in an appropriate manner, show them that you have noticed – if you pay attention to their good behaviour, they will not feel compelled to seek attention through negative behaviour. And, lastly, watch carefully when kids come to play. Notice what triggers bad behaviour and guide your child in appropriate behaviour.